Welcome To The Madhouse

It started out with the simple act of wearing a pair of odd socks, on purpose, every day… a simple zany thought that just appeared to me in one of my many many head movies… one late night…possibly under the influence of something… possibly but not definitely… I couldn’t be sure… hmmm… this is where I would insert the little ‘inquisitive face emoji. Or is it ’emoticon’? What’s the difference between an emoji and an emoticon anyway? Is it like Apples and Oranges? Or Apples and PCs? Or Stewie and Bart?

Anyway, where was I? Oh right, the odd sock thing. Yeah, that was this goofy ‘self help’ mechanism that just appeared in my head, along with the feeling – call it a ‘knowing’ if you want to put a spiritual slant on it – that this one ridiculous sounding habit would fully rid me of my ever increasing OCD ‘tendencies’ and that this was the key to saying a heartfelt “adios!” to all of the ‘One Flew Over The Cuckoo’s Nest’ inmates who had been keeping Mr OCD company for all these years. It worked… like a charm. I haven’t looked at the world in the same way since.

How bad was my OCD? I spent an hour one night obsessing over my speakers because they weren’t at the same angle and distance from the television. We were all just about to watch a movie. I held everyone’s night up for an hour just to satisfy this ridiculous need in my head for perfection, order, equal distance and symmetry in all things. When I finally got there with the aesthetic nirvana the doorbell rang… that would send me into orbit, because I had planned to watch a movie and God knows “I can’t change my plans!” Parking the car was an extravaganza. Parking the forklift truck in my then place of work, a huge warehouse with painted lines on the floor that went in all direction to signify walkways and off limit areas, was a living hell and one of the first little tendencies to make me think “this shit’s gettin a bit goofy and scary.” So this is my Blog. A space for me to write freely; clean out the crazy-cupboard; release the demons; be creative; and maybe brighten somebody’s day up along the way. This is where I would put the smiley emoji.Yeah we’re sticking with ’emoji’ as it’s easier to write and sounds a lot less like Decepticon…

Imagine a blog written by Decepticons. Now that would be awesome. Can you imagine a Decepticon’s Social Media Posts? – “Saw a planet I liked today. We destroyed it. Good day at the office. #eatthatoptimusprime” Or Mrs Decepticon’s post? – “Crossfit was amazeballs today! I’m gonna need the 3-in-1 Oil tonight! #bunsofsteel” Because men always want to assert their authority and girls just wanna have fun, eh? Well I promise there will be no authority asserted or implied in this Blog. Just my take on the parts of life that I’ve experienced, my goofy thoughts on shit I’m aiming to experience in the future, and some of the cool stuff I’ve learned over my 42 years on the planet… the planet that Mr Decepticon didn’t destroy on his “good day at the office”.

Stop the Press! Holy Vegan Hotdogs Batman, I’m getting an email already and I haven’t even put the site live yet! This WordPress site has it’s shit together. It’s from Mr Decepticon, and says “No more Decepticon jokes please. I have feelings too you know. I try to mask my fears and insecurities by making myself sound and look cool on Social Media. I’m too embarrassed to ask for help and I’m afraid I’ll get eliminated from the next mission if Megatron finds out. Even the Autobots would laugh at me… I need help…” Pull up a chair Mr Decepticon… you’re in good company. We’re all a tad crazy. Getting a hold of it’s easy enough. Harnessing it and using it? That’s the tricky part. That’s the part that can lead to Nobel Prizewinner or Evil Super Villain – depending on which way your Chi is pointing when you manage to attach the harness.

Most of our lives are based on things we’ve been told; things we’ve heard; or the perspective we’re seeing from. Stick on a pair of odd socks, join the movement, take the red pill, and change your perspective. As Colombo would say: “one more thing M’aam” – It’s always the men who want to destroy, conquer, rule, or pillage planets. Isn’t it though? Really. It must be the Testosterone/Alpha thing. And we’re always afraid to ask for help. Maybe that’s why Blogs were invented. A place for people who don’t feel like they fit in, or are too afraid to ask, to anonymously get help without having to face ridicule or embarrassment. And then of course there’s Porn. That’s why the internet was invented… insert wicked smiley devil emoji…